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Food Fight


Portland is slowly climbing the ladder (depending on who you ask) in the food world. But we are not top dogs yet. When you ask people, why are you visiting, I will rarely hear of all the restaurants they must go eat consume in order to fulfill their destiny. I don’t mean to rag on the food in Portland, it’s just the same as a Paris or Bangkok or Copenhagen. But I have read so many articles talking about how Portland is the end-all destination to eat, I'm just not seeing it, I mean there are like two places in town to find a door Chicago-style deep dish pizza. If you can barely cover the US, how are you going global?

https://flic.kr/p/imJrtk

The problem is, everyone in Portland thinks PDX is the most amazing place in the galaxy to eat. They protest - no, my co-workers heard from their dog walkers that her neighbors youngest sister's former grade school teacher traveled in search of great food for 34 years and only found it in Portland. The pride in our food is blinding Portlanders into somehow believing we are the only true leading edge of culinary art. We define the food the world eats, forever shaping the future of what food should be, and no other place on earth could or would ever hold a candle to our food. Every Food Network show basically never leaves town. They are stuck shooting restaurants here because there is just so much good food.

These people are a special breed of hipsters; the upper echelon some would claim - Foodies. They have stupid amounts of money devoted to finding and eating at the “Best Place". You will have never heard of any of these places because Foodies pride themselves on their hunting skills and the rarity of the find. They then blog about these places like we couldn’t possibly understand how transcendent the fries were because we are simply too uncultured; simple Neanderthals incapable of telling the difference between Indonesian Korintje and Saigon cinnamon. Then after their blogs make these places go viral, they toss them like a lukewarm coffee and search for the next "big one". They would never eat somewhere twice.


So having traveled all over the west side of downtown Portland, I feel that I (like all others in Portland) am formally qualified to decide what is and is not the best food in the whole world. I have eaten inside food and outside food and location ambiguous foods. Hot, cold, lukewarm, reheated, and overcooked. After all this consumption, I have proven two things - One: I struggle with heartburn more than I thought was humanly possible. And Two: I don't feel spending from my massive blogger wealth to eat out all the time is fulfilling my destiny. And Three: I am getting too health-conscious to eat out. If I only eat from restaurants serving sustainable organic dishes I will exclude the small percent of other restaurants in Portland not cool enough to do food the right way and that will make me very biased even though most Foodies don't seem to care about nutrient density; they are all about presentation and feels.

I'm no sell-out. So below are the best places to eat in PDX - I list these awesome places in alphabetical order to not show favoritism. They aren't paying me for the explosive increase in profits they will enjoy from my endorsements so go eat this destiny-defining food. (if these places close I will not update this list)

-Abu Omar Gyros & Shawarma https://mediterranean-cuisine-abo-omar.business.site/
-Chik-Fil-A - https://www.chick-fil-a.com/
-Nong’s Khao Man Gai - http://khaomangai.com/
-Pine Street Market - http://www.pinestreetpdx.com/
-Ramen Ryoma - https://www.ramenryoma.net/
-Screen Door - https://screendoorrestaurant.com/ (almost too big to be cool anymore, get there soon)